Survivor Ghost Island Episode 1 Recap!

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Ahoy, Pool Players! It’s time to unlace your figure skates, take your skis back up to the attic and put away your curling… irons? That’s right, folks, the Olympics are over so before you pawn your Freestyle Bronze on eBay dust off the ol’ set for a whole new season of Survivor! That’s right, it’s a whole new cast combined with thirty-five seasons worth of old twists! Hey, remember all those twists and idols that went nowhere and did nothing? Well they’re all back in the form of GHOST ISLAND, the super-spoopy subtitle for this season. Jeff Probst promises that the “ghost of the past” will come back to haunt the “graveyard of bad decisions” and he’s not describing what my snack nest looks like at 2:00 AM! Ghost Island! I’ve got the shivers just thinking about it! Luckily we’ve got TWENTY new losers to keep track of, well, technically nineteen losers and one who will end up the sole Survivor. There’s a whole mess of show between now and then, so let’s get to it!

For the first time in what feels like a CENTURY the Survivors are separated into two tribes of ten and… that’s it. It’s not Heroes versus Hustlers versus Hairstylists. Nor is it Brains versus Brawn versus Beauticians versus Beasts. Thank goodness it’s not White Collar versus Blue Collar versus No Collar versus That Dog Has No Collar versus Seriously You Should Consider Registering Your Dog (or at least buying them a collar). Nope, just twenty randos, randomly sorted into the Malolo and Naviti tribes. What do Malolo and Naviti mean? It’s not important! What is important is that each tribe will quickly have to elect a leader. Malolo chooses Brendan and then Chris basically volunteers for Naviti. These leaders have to select two people to run one challenge, one physical person and one puzzle person. Brendan chooses Michael and Laurel, and Chris chooses Sebastian and Desiree. The rules of this challenge are convoluted, because this is the thirty-sixth season of this show and they darn well expect you to be able to keep up. Basically they all get rice and fishing gear, but the winners will also get shelter-making material and flint while the losers will lose their fishing gear unless they forfeit and then they’ll get the gear but the winners will also get a plate of eggs. Jeff Probst starts explaining all these rules and I feel like I’m about to pick the wrong door on Let’s Make a Deal. The challenge itself is actually pretty simple, but it tires out both Michael and Sebastian, who both look exhausted running through the sand. It’s not much better for Laurel and Desiree, neither of whom are good at the puzzle. Naviti Chris decides to forfeit to save the fishing gear. So Malolo wins and Naviti loses, but, really we’re all winners here. Jeff Probst asks Naviti if anyone thinks Chris made the wrong decision and WOULDN’T YOU KNOW Domenick raises his hand. “I like to speak my mind!” says Dom, and don’t worry, we’ll be hearing a lot from that mind tonight!

Hel-lo-lo, Malolo! Michael tells everyone that he’s 23, but he’s actually 18, and that’s probably the most interesting thing about him. Stephanie “Gonzales” Gonzales tells everyone she’s from Puerto Rico, and that’s probably the most interesting thing about her. Donathan is from a town in “Western Kentucky” where it sounds like they’re still waiting for the roads to be paved with real road. Over at Naviti we learn that Kellyn hit reset on her life by getting divorced and skipping town which means she’s either ready for a fresh start or she’s a secret grifter! Dom reveals that he’s a construction supervisor while he’s, uh, bossily supervising the construction of their shelter. Sebastian and Chris quickly bond over their shared love of… Florida’s geography? “We’re like best friends in a candy shop!” one of them says, mixing about seven different bon mots. Meanwhile, back at Malolo, Jacob has lost his shoes to the sea. No, really. The waves came and took his sneakers away. I wish I had something more witty to say about this, but I assure you there will be PLENTY of time to dunk on Jacob in the VERY near future. After announcing that his soles have departed, Jacob slips away from the rest of his tribe to hunt for an idol. Everyone sees him do it, and they all talk about what a bad idea that is. Back at the camp, Jacob concocts a scheme to get everyone to leave so he can search for an idol clue in the rice container… by pouring the rice out into his sock. Look, I don’t want to make any judgements about Jacob, so I’ll just say that I bet his socks smell terrific. When the old rice in the sock is all for nought, Jacob says “That was stupid” a phrase that should play on a constant loop in the space between his ears. Over at the Naviti tribe we learn that Wendell went to Harvard but now makes custom furniture. You could say he really wanted to chaise his dreams. I bet he won’t take this one lying down!

It’s challenge time! In this Immunity Challenge the Survivors need to transport six heavy puzzle pieces and then put together a cube puzzle. The first tribe to finish gets Immunity and also the chance to send someone on the losing tribe to Ghost Island. That person will not go to Tribal Council, so they’ll be immune, but they’ll also be separated from their tribe. Also, Ghost Island. Spoopy! Hey, do you like watching people struggle to pull really heavy objects? Then you’re going to love this challenge, which looks especially exhausting. Naviti maintains a good lead and figures out the puzzle quickly, recovering from their first loss and sending Malolo to Tribal Council. After the challenge, Jacob says that he’s not worried since Malolo is one of the best tribes of all time. OF ALL TIME. Yes, folks, they’re better than DANGRAYNE. Unsurprisingly, Naviti decides to send Jacob to Ghost Island, probably to give him immunity and also probably to give the rest of Malolo a break.

Ghost Island time! We’ve heard so much about it and it’s finally here! Turns out Ghost Island is quite the production, with a spooky staircase leading to a spooky shelter leading to a spooky game of chance. Jacob first needs to smash an urn, and then learns he has the opportunity to get an advantage. Jacob can either choose to try for the advantage and get it, or lose his vote at the next Tribal Council if he doesn’t get it. Since it’s a fifty-fifty chance, Jacob does the sensible thing and takes it which gives him.. wait for it… the famed LEGACY ADVANTAGE from SURVIVOR: GAME CHANGERS. Really starting the show with a showstopper on that one, guys! Come on, you remember the Legacy Advantage! We’re reminded in spooky flashback that Sierra found it on the first day, it never went anywhere, and then she told Sara about it and Sara voted her out. Now it belongs to Jacob but he can’t actually use it, he has to RESTORE THE POWER by giving it to someone on the other tribe. He decides to give it to Morgan, which was a shocker to me since I don’t remember there being a Morgan this season. So all the hype and mystery surrounding Ghost Island and… that’s where it leads. Spoopy!

Back at camp, Gonzales announces that she had the right strategy for the puzzle, but nobody would listen. Donathan tells us that he had the right strategy, but Gonzales told him to shut it. Donathan starts to campaign to vote Gonzales out, and tries to convince Steph that she should go. Steph and some of the other tribe-mates debate the merits of Donathan and Gonzales, and Steph reasons that they’re both pretty bad in challenges, but at least Gonzales can get stuck in small spaces. I don’t know, either! It’s time for our first-ever Tribal Council where once again fire represents your life and also the lives of all the ghoooooooosts! This is a pretty standard first episode tribal, where the merits of strength versus puzzles are debated. Apparently there haven’t been that many actual alliances formed, but that doesn’t stop Gonzales from hopping up and whispering to everyone to vote Donathan out. Donathan, to his extreme credit, doesn’t get involved with this, and when it’s finally time to vote your girl Gonzales is unceremoniously given the boot. Take your whispering somewhere else! The only spirits allowed to whisper on this season are the actual spirits! Adios to Gonzales, who at least had the decency to call herself Gonzales so we didn’t have to keep writing down “Stephanie G” and “Stephanie J.” Only one Stephanie remains!

It’s bad news for fans of Mark Harmon and good news for fans of Survivor since there’s not one but TWO hours of show this week. See you next week, NCIS! It’s time for us to join the Naviti tribe in the middle of the night where Dom is creepily watching his tribe sleep. Somehow that’s the scariest thing that’s happened so far this season! Dom says that he can’t sleep and he’s got the shakes, so he decides to look for the idol under the cover of night. This basically involves waving a machete at some trees and right when you’re ready to call him crazy for even trying he ACTUALLY finds an idol hidden inside a tree. The next day he discovers that it’s Andrea’s idol from Survivor: Fans Versus Favorites that she found but did not play, resulting in her getting voted out. Surely you remember that one! All the hits! It’s up to Dom to reverse the curse, and he happily pockets the idol. Speaking of reversing curses, Morgan discovers the legacy advantage in her bag, and that’s about all there is to say about that! Back on Ghost Island, Jacob decides to make a fake idol so he can show his tribe and tell them it’s a real idol. It’s not exactly a lie, since he’s going to tell them about the perilous path and the upsetting urns, but it’s also totally a lie because he didn’t find an idol and made the darn thing out of some string and a shell.

Malolo is enjoying some sea slugs when Jacob slimes back from Ghost Island, fake idol in pants. He says that it was super scary at Ghost Island, but that he managed to find a hidden idol. He shows them the idol, which is INSANE, and says that he didn’t want to do it, but he wanted to be upfront with everyone. On a season that is literally about the dumb mistakes of Survivors past, this is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen on this show. Nobody on Malolo believes him, and they immediately request receipts, asking to see the paperwork that came with the idol. Jacob says he must have lost it, which would be an unbelievable story, except that this is a man who just yesterday lost his own shoes to the sea. Anything is possible! Speaking of bad idol play, Dom decides to try and make good with Chris, and says that he wants to work with him. Chris asks Dom if he found the idol, and Dom says he did not. This is a lie, and Dom spooks himself, so he decides to make a fake idol to show Chris. Yes, Dom decides to make a fake idol after lying about finding the real idol. Luckily Dom still has the paperwork but Chris senses that something is off, and he’s not wrong!

Immunity time! In this Immunity Challenge the Survivors need to swim to a big slide, dive down and unlock some balls, and then toss those balls into a hoop. I feel like we’ve seen this exact challenge about twenty different times on this show, so if I just said “swim balls slide” you’d probably get the right idea. It’s pretty close at the jump, but then Naviti pulls into a huge lead when James is, uh, unable to dive down to retrieve the balls. Like, he just can’t do it. The rest of the tribe encourages Donathan to try it, and he says no, and then Jeff Probst SENSING A MOMENT runs over there and basically yells at Donathan until he gets in the water. Donathan dives down and gets it, of course, and thank goodness we’ve got another hero narrative this season. It’s all for nothing, though, since Wendell and Desiree successfully sink buckets and Naviti wins again. After a brief conference they decide to send Donathan to Ghost Island, probably because they just found out his name.

Ghost Island! Donathan walks up the spooky steps and smashes the upsetting urn but he gets nothing in return, with only a “try again later” message. So there’s nothing special for Donathan but at least he got to have a moment, and says that he’s becoming a real “mountain man.” Back at Malolo, James admits that he done goofed, and says that he’s to blame for losing the challenge. No, Sue’s to Blane! Everyone accepts his apology since it’s no secret they want Jacob gone instead. Steph decides to get buddy buddy with Jacob, basically talking strategy by fake flirting with him to try and put him at ease. Jacob floats the idea of getting out one of the stronger guys, like Michael, and then reveals to Steph that his idol was fake, he actually gave away the Legacy Advantage, and it’s all a sham and a lie, a lie and a sham. Steph can’t believe it, but of course she can believe it, and she admits that underneath it all, Jacob does make a good point. She takes this idea to Laurel, who says that it might be time to upset the “Strong and the Beautiful.” You know The Strong and the Beautiful, it comes on CBS in the afternoon, right before the “Young and the Fidgety” and “As the Globe Rotates” and “Shining Beacon.” They really try to make a scene of this at Tribal Council, with James once again taking the blame (“No, Sue’s to Blane!”) and Jacob lying about Ghost Island. Nobody believes him, though, because nobody ever believed him, and Jacob is pretty much unanimously given the boot, fake idol in tow. Goodbye to Jacob, a poor Survivor player who looked like what would have happened if Bob Ross had partied too hard in his youth. Pick up a pair of new shoes on your way out!

We’re almost on our way out of this recap, but first make sure to click on over to the Leaderboards to see where you stand. The Pool Princess has started referring to herself as the “Ghost-ess with the Most-ess” but she promises to stop long enough to send out the next Pool challenges. Next time on Survivor: it’s a tribe swap! Already! I barely even know what an ANGELA is yet! Also more shenanigans at Ghost Island, where some really spooky stuff has been happening, Scoob! Time to gas up the Mystery Machine and we’ll see you next week!

 

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Heroes vs. Hustlers vs. Healers finale update!

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Pool Players Finale and Survivors Weekly Points

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Ahoy, Pool Players! It’s hard to believe but after thirteen long weeks we’ve finally reached the end of our Survivor journey. Congratulations to Hero Ben who outwitted, outplayed, outlasted, and out-idol-ed everyone else in the game. Ben was able to best Chrissy’s impressive immunity run, Ryan’s questionable social game, Devon’s inability to make a fire and Dr. Mike’s bad jokes. Dr. Mike! Even at the reunion he was just happy to be there. I don’t know if this was a good season of Survivor, but it was at least interesting, and will give us a lot to chew on in the coming months. Speaking of lots of chewing, how odd was it that Cole (of all people!) was so chatty during the final Tribal Council? I barely remembered he was there! I’m not sure Cole remembers he was there! JP definitely doesn’t remember he was there! So congratulations to Ben, who managed to stay afloat against all odds, including a stunner of a Final Four twist. I would suggest that we try to have a fire-making challenge at the Family Tree Restaurant, but something tells me that would end with our photos on the wall under DO NOT SERVE TO THIS GROUP.

Speaking of come from behind victories, it’s time to hand out the awards in our Pool. Drum roll, please, the big Pool Champion is BETH who rallied to the top thanks to her pre-season pick of Ben as sole Survivor. Congratulations, Beth! In second place was Ashlee, who was only three points behind Beth. So close! Way to go, Ashlee. Rounding out the top three was Julie, who stuck close to the top all season long. Hats off to our top three! But wait, there’s more!

The top Quick Pick player was newcomer Sharon, who had an incredible run all the way until the final episode. Team Terkel ended up in the middle of the pack and gets our Thanks For Playing award. The super secret non-monetary prize goes to Aiden. What could it be? It’s a secret! Unlike Ghost Island, all our secrets will be revealed at the pool luncheon, coming this January. Put your thinking caps on and get ready to talk about all things Survivor, the pool, and what you’d like to see us do! We love watching Survivor, and we love running the pool because of all of you! Next time on Survivor: the mistakes of the past are back to haunt a whole new crop of players. It’s Survivor: Ghost Island! Spooky! Scary! I hope there aren’t any haunted dolls! Those things give me the heebie-jeebies! Here’s to hoping there are more tricks than treats and we will see you there! Adios!

Heroes vs. Hustlers vs. Healers episode 12 recap!

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Ahoy, Pool Players! It’s a wintry Wednesday and time again for Survivor! Previously on Survivor, Ben overheard his alliance planning to vote him out, so he played his secret idol to send softball hustler Lauren out of the park. With no idol and a huge target on his back, Ben is truly down to an alliance of one. Back at camp, everyone is wary, but congratulatory of Ben’s big move. “That was better than my idol play!” Dr. Mike says, presumably referring to the idol he actually played and not the one he tossed in the fire. As Ben ambles off to get water, everyone agrees that he’s got to go next. Got to! No question about it! No debates here! Devon says that if there are Survivor gods, then Ben’s idol was, “A move by the Survivor devil!” Oh no, not the Survivor devil! The only devil that should be on Survivor is a plate of deviled eggs! Everyone pledges to win immunity and vote Ben out next, because you know how easy sticking to a plan is on this show! The warm sepia tones of daybreak welcome us to the morning, where Ben says that he has, “a long, hard road ahead,” and needs to either win immunity or find an idol to stay in the game. Ben sneaks off before sunrise to try to find an idol. Meanwhile, Mike and Chrissy both wake up and realize Ben isn’t around. They both know what he’s up to, but neither of them go looking for him. Certainly he couldn’t find another idol this quickly! Nothing to see here folks, go back to sleep!

Reward Challenge! In this challenge, the Survivors are paired up and roped together. First they need to maneuver themselves connected by a rope over and under a series of obstacles. Then they need to toss five rings onto some pegs. The first team to finish will be taken by chopper to a resort on a private island where they will enjoy lamb, chicken, and lobster and then get to sleep in a real bed. A real bed! With pillows and everything! The three teams are Ben and Ashley, Devon and Chrissy, and, uh, Ryan and Dr. Mike. Yes, the two kids picked last in gym glass have teamed up, Revenge of the Nerds style. Unsurprisingly, Ryan and Mike are pretty lousy at the rope portion but manage to make up some ground and it’s fairly even at the ring toss. Try as he might, Ben is unable to put a ring on it, and Devon and Chrissy win reward. But you can’t enjoy a chopper reward with just two people, so they get to choose a third friend to go along. Devon and Chrissy confer and Chrissy quickly offers Ryan as their third, to which Devon readily agrees. Ryan gets to go on reward while Ashley just looks sour about the whole thing. Ashley gives Devon a look like flames are coming out of the side of her face. Jeff notices this and asks Ashley is she’s surprised they picked Ryan. Surprised? Ashley is shook. But she handles it well, saying that they must have a reason, and it’s clear who is calling the shots. Congratulations to Ashley for having an honest reaction to the reward. As for Devon and Chrissy, I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about there. Move along, folks! You’ll all be fine!

Back at the beach, Mike is also upset that they chose Ryan. Mike decides that the losers should have a five-minute roast of Ryan. Turns out that Dr. Mike is about as good at comedy as an eggplant is at basketball. Ryan shouldn’t go on reward because he went on the last reward! Hey, did you know Ryan was young? Well, it’s another reason why he shouldn’t have gone on reward! [pause for laughter]. Clearly missing the other half of his coconuts, Mike tries to ingratiate himself with Ben and Ashley. It isn’t really working, though, since Ben would rather work with Ashley to vote out Mike. This doesn’t get far, though, as Ashley ignores her onetime alliance-mate. Ben says that talking to Ashley is like, “talking to a brick wall,” and that only works if you’re trying to get to Diagon Alley! At the reward, Ryan loses his mind over the pile of food, and says it’s even better than seeing his dad. Woah, that’s a low blow to Papa Ryan! Ryan says that the reward is, “one of the best days of [his] life.” I mean, it’s probably better than the day he had to chase a rat out of the air ducts. Is that what bellhops do? I think I’ve always been unclear. I feel like they’re either calling you a cab or singing in the chorus. Of course this is a reward this season, so it’s time to talk strategy. The group agrees that Ben and Mike are the next to go. Chrissy then floats the idea of these three being the final three. Devon seems pretty open to it, seeing as he once was close with Ryan and he’s, uh, never really worked with Chrissy. Chrissy now thinks they should vote out Ashley, and makes it her secret plan to get Ashley gone. Don’t worry, you can always vote out Ben and Dr. Mike. There are plenty of weeks left! Wait, what’s that, there’s only one week left? Ah, even so, plenty of time! Nothing to worry about here! Just another carefree episode of Survivor!

Immunity time! In this huge immunity challenge, the Survivors need to climb up and down an obstacle course, sink a basket to drop a ladder, pull down a second ladder, and then solve a complicated cog puzzle. Everyone is pretty close throughout the challenge but the puzzle is a real stump-er. Not only are there too many spokes but the cogs are all different sizes. If only they had a singing animated clock to help them with these cogs! This is a neat puzzle, but it would be a lot more fun if it were a clog challenge and they had to hoof their way to immunity. Which one of this lot would be the best clogger? Man, it would have been Lauren, right? I bet she could clog up a right storm! So, it comes down to the puzzle, and even though they try to make a show of it, this is Chrissy’s challenge to lose. She wins, OF COURSE, turning her cogs and squealing to victory. Chrissy wins Immunity, which means Ben didn’t win immunity which means this should be an uneventful rest of the episode, right? Right?

Back at the beach, Ben curses the “damn freaking puzzles!” that seem to confound him every time. Must be that Survivor devil at play! Ben knows he needs to continue the idol hunt to stay in the game. Everyone talks without Ben and agrees he’s the next to go. Just to be safe, however, they decide to split the votes between Ben and Mike, just in case one of them has an idol. Of course, Chrissy has other plans, and tells the rest of the rest of the group that she would rather vote out Ashley. Dr. Mike tries to explain that Ben is more dangerous in the long-term, but Chrissy says she might just need to go with her gut at Tribal, and her gut is full of lobstah! Meanwhile, Ben is out walking and ARE YOU SITTING DOWN happens to find a tree with a clue to the hidden immunity idol. Turns out the idol is hidden at camp underneath their shelter. It’s the Kelley Wentworth special! Ben is the only one that knows the idol is at their camp, and yet everyone else is just hanging around because it’s almost time to go to Tribal. Ben knows his window to get the idol is slim, but lest there be ANY sort of suspense on this show because we jump right to Tribal without knowing if he found it. At Tribal, Ben says he knows he’s on the outs because there are two couples; Ashley and Devon, and Ryan and Chrissy, plus Dr. Mike as the swing vote. There’s a lot of talk about the Final 3, and everyone but Ben reveals they have a Final 3 plan. I have a final three plan, too; it’s to stay awake during these final three episodes! Ben tries to start some drama, and eventually decides to take things up a notch by pulling an idol out of his boot. It was a wishing boot! Ben brazenly wears his idol at Tribal, and then asks Ashley and Devon if they want to go back to camp. If they do, they’ll join him in voting for Dr. Mike. Ben even decides to play his idol before they vote, just to prove to everyone that yes, he will play it. It is a real idol, and Ben is immune from the vote. There’s surprisingly little scrambling before the vote, and only Ashley seems truly stunned. The votes are read and Ben’s plan backfires. Instead of Dr. Mike going home, everyone else votes against Ashley. Ashley is gone and Ben is out another idol. On her way out, Ashley hugs Ben but TOTALLY WALKS PAST Devon with an ice cold “I’ll see you.” Man, Ashley was great. Lauren was great, and then Ashley was great and now all we’re left with is the island of misfit toys. Oh no, I’m slipping away to dreamland! Wake me when it’s over!

Make sure to stay awake while you click on over to the Leaderboards to see where you stand. The Pool Princess keeps trying to make “snow way!” happen, but she promises to stop long enough to send out the final challenge. Yes, it’s true. Next time on Survivor: it’s the finale! One of these morons will actually end up a million dollars richer. Will it be Devon, the surfer who looks like the old logo for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? Will it be Chrissy, the heroic actuary? Will it be Ryan, the elfin bellhop? Will it be Dr. Mike, everyone’s favorite stand-up Doctor turned stand-up comedian? Or will it be Ben, the former marine with the wife and kids who got him through? Well one thing’s for sure, it’s going to be one of them! Tune in to find out who!

Heroes vs. Hustlers vs. Healers episode 11 recap!

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Pool Tribes and Survivors Weekly Points

Pool Players Total Points

Going Out Order

Ahoy, Pool Players! It’s a blustery Thursday and time again for Survivor. Previously on Survivor there were two hours of shenanigans, complete with cheeseburgers, massages, immunity idols plus the ousting of JP and Joe. Not a good week to have a name that begins with the letter J! There are only seven Survivors left. Seven! There are more members in the Korean pop group GIRLS’ GENERATION! After Joe was voted out by the majority alliance, Ben’s cover was blown. I guess he’ll need to hand back all his Academy Awards! Ryan and Chrissy are now totally alone, and Chrissy is not having it. She starts to lecture Ben about his betrayal, to which Ben replies “You can’t mother me, Chrissy!” Chrissy says that, “[Ben’s] responses were inhuman.” I don’t know, they sounded pretty human to me. Does Chrissy think that Ben has morphed into some sort of Lovecraftian inhuman entity? Is Ben the Dunwich Horror? Chrissy says that she knows this is Survivor but she can’t help but take. it. personally!

Reward Challenge! The Survivors are all gathered and told that they’ll be competing in pairs, but not with each other. Instead, these seven Survivors will be playing with THE DAYS OF THE WEEK wait, no, actually they’ll be playing with their loved ones. Yes, it’s the annual Survivor Family Challenge, in which even the most cynical and jaded of Survivor viewers must acknowledge that these are actual people with actual lives and maybe it’s ok to care about them a little bit. First things first, here’s Ashley’s dad, Jim. Jeff says some nonsense about fathers embracing daughters that doesn’t really read too well in, uh, today’s political climate. Next up is Ryan’s Dad, Steve. Steve! Steve seems like he’s got a story or two. Next up is Mike’s wife Berry. “We all want to see who married Mike!” says Jeff before Berry comes out, leading to the new FOX reality hit: “Who Wants to Marry Mike?” except it’s phrased as an accusation instead of a question, like, “Who Wants to Marry Mike?” Mike says that him and his wife has “one of the greatest loves of all time,” so step aside, Titanic! Next is Lauren’s sister Sunny, who hilariously hugs Jeff first. Lauren reveals that Sunny is the one who wanted to be on Survivor but Lauren was picked instead. Maybe next season, Sunny! Next is Chrissy’s husband Keith. Look, I guess I’m happy for them but these just seem to be two of the blandest people around. They look like the kind of people who consider adobo to be exotic. Next is Devon’s mom Sonya, who still looks like she’s about 25. We save the best for last, as Ben’s wife Kelly, who’s practically been a cast member on this show, finally makes an appearance. She’s lovely, and her and Ben seem to have an honest connection and it’s a good excuse for Ben to let out a happy cry. It’s alright to cry!

The embracing is over and it’s time to get to the actual challenge. Folks, I’m going to level with you here, this is not much of a challenge. Instead, it’s a random rock draw, and if the Survivor and their loved one randomly match, they’ll randomly win reward. What sort of skill is involved here? Telepathy? Are they supposed to talk to each other like the cats and dogs from Homeward Bound? This smells suspiciously like someone on the Survivor crew forgot to build a challenge and they had to use the props they had lying around and pull something out of you-know-where. So it’s dramatic, because of course it’s dramatic, but since there’s no skill involved Chrissy ends up winning. Of course the real importance of the challenge is Chrissy choosing three Survivors and their loved ones to share in a family BBQ. Chrissy chooses Ryan and his father, Mike and his wife, and Ashley and her father. Adios, other loved ones! You were only a rock away!

Chrissy tells us that she picked those three as punishment for how badly Ben betrayed her. Chrissy also says that she needs to persuade Ashley to vote Ben out next. Those of you hoping to spend more time with “Mrs. Dr. Mike” will be disappointed because we have about thirty seconds at the reward before it’s back to the loser’s beach. Ben has a new plan to make a fake idol and try to get Chrissy to find it. Ben has a pretty complex system of shells and beads. On the scale of fake idols this is a few rungs above the stick and a few below the Bob Crowley masterpiece. Lauren isn’t convinced that this fake idol is actually going to do anything, especially since she assumes that the “core four” is strong. Instead of making a fake idol, Lauren decides to try to find the real one, and actually stumbles across a clue. Lauren finds half of an idol buried in the sand at camp, and learns that the other half will be buried at the challenge. “Case closed, it’s either Ryan, Chrissy or Mike going home!” Lauren proudly declares before the commercial break. Oh no, Lauren! You do not make proud declarative statements before the commercial break on Survivor! It never ends well!

Challenge time! In this Immunity Challenge the Survivors need to support two discs using only their outstretched arms and fingertips. The discs are unnecessarily adorned with wind chimes, which are maybe intended to make for a more relaxing challenge? “When those discs drop, the chimes stop!” Jeff says. Disc drop. Chime stop. Raindrop. Drop top. One by one, the Survivors, with increasingly pained expressions, drop out of the challenge. All except for Lauren, who curiously just seems to give up. As Lauren collects her shell, the challenge whittles down to just Devon and Ashley. Devon starts to strike a deal, which Jeff Probst rudely interrupts, because how dare deals be struck on this show! This isn’t Big Brother! Devon makes a “bold statement” by saying that everyone knows he and Ashley are close, and it doesn’t matter which of them wins Immunity since they’ll both be safe. Devon ends up giving up immunity for a massage which is either a supremely confident move, or a supremely stupid one, or, seeing as how it’s this season, maybe both.

Back at camp, a newly emboldened Ashley says she needs to make a big move. She tells Devon that she thinks now might be the time to vote out Ben. They bring this plan to Lauren at the well, seemingly unaware that BEN IS RIGHT BEHIND THEM like he’s Michael Meyers or something. Seriously, do these people know how to talk in private? Ben overhears about half of their conversation, but it’s enough for him to start scrambling. Ben goes into desperation mode, and tells Mike about Lauren’s idol. “Never underestimate Dr. Mike!” Dr. Mike says, despite the fact that underestimating Dr. Mike seems to be a pretty decent game move so far. Ben even goes to Chrissy and formally apologizes to her. Ben tells Chrissy about Lauren’s advantage and says that he needs her vote to make sure Lauren goes home. Word of Ben’s loose lips reaches Lauren, who is none too happy that her former alliance member wants her gone. Lauren knows that she needs to make moves, too, so she, uh, gives Dr. Mike half of her idol as a sign of trust. Folks, if we’ve learned anything from Erik Reichenbach, it’s that you never give up your immunity, even if it’s only half of your immunity. Tribal Council is a Jerry-Springer-esque nonsense factory, with Ben and Lauren in full out war against each other. Seemingly every idol and advantage is revealed as the players physically scramble around trying to decide the vote. At one point Dr. Mike throws his half of the idol in the fire, saying that he’s waited fifteen years to do that. From crummy metaphors to bad idol moves, you can never underestimate Dr. Mike! It seems like it’s going to be an exciting outcome, but then before the votes are read Ben plays his actual immunity idol for himself, and suddenly things take a turn. Turns out everyone did agree to vote out Ben, except none of those votes count, which means that Ben’s sole vote for Lauren sends her home. Look, it was a stupid move by Lauren to give up half of her idol, but this is still a crummy way for arguably the best strategic player remaining to go home. Poor Lauren, always a day late and half an idol short!

You don’t want to be late in the pool, so make sure to click on over to the Leaderboards to see where you stand. The Pool Princess insists on wearing her snowsuit indoors, but she promises to take it off long enough to send out the final pool challenge. Yes, it’s true, this interminably stupid season will finally come to an almost certainly unsatisfying close. Who will be the sole Survivor? Whatever you do, don’t underestimate Dr. Mike! See you next week.

Heroes vs. Hustlers vs. Healers episode 10 recap!

A week late and a buck short! Previously on Survivor, Mike caused chaos for no real reason. Cole was voted out. Who? It’s not important. What is important is now it’s night 24! Back at camp, Mike says that he had to spice it up a little bit, and Joe is not a fan. Chrissy says Joe and Mike are dead men walking. Mike tries to play this off as a positive, saying that now he’s in a block of two with Joe. Voting blocks were so two seasons ago! Joe sees this for what it was, a bad move, and says now they have “No alliances, no power and no idol” Ah, yes, my favorite lyrics from the 1997 Destiny’s Child hit “No, No, No.” Mike again tries to defend, saying that he needed to start playing his own game. “Everyone thinks I’m that crazy doctor!” Which crazy doctor? Doctor Strange? Doctor octopus? The Witch Doctor? I guess it’s to be expected that Mike is making the most out of his bad move. The only other option would be to say, “Ah, beans, guys, I guess I really whiffed that one!”
It’s time to slip off your socks and slide into the feet-only challenge! In this challenge, the Survivors need to build a little fortress using only their feet. The winners will get to fly around in a little plane and then chow down on cheeseburgers, which they will eat with their hands, presumably. “You never know what skills will be required on Survivor!” booms Jeff, except they’ve done this exact challenge at least twice before. Dr. Mike, Ashley, Chrissy and Lauren are all good at this. Dr. Mike wraps his toes around his flag first but then he knocks over a block and Lauren wins reward. As much fun as it would be to eat a solo cheeseburger, it turns out this is not a party of one. Lauren gets to pick not one, not two, but three people to go on reward with her. She chooses Devon, Ben and Ashley. Ryan approves of Lauren’s choices. Little does he know!
Losers! Mike is very mad. He decides to team up with Joe to bust some more jokes, just like that famous comedy duo Siskel and Ebert. I give this routine two thumbs… nah, I don’t give them two thumbs up or down, I just give them two thumbs. Mike dubs their comedy alliance “The Coconuts”, because Joe is from the Dominican Republic and Mike works with nuts. Seriously, folks, those were his words, not mine! In between guffawing at the lovable antics of #THECOCONUTS, Chrissy and Ryan decide that after Joe they’ll vote out Ben and Lauren next. You know, the two players who just conveniently happen to be on reward together. Don’t worry, Chrissy and Ryan, things always go according to plan on Survivor! Meanwhile, it’s a high-flying time at the reward. They even fly right over camp! The reward turns out to be just a corner of a beach with a picnic table, where Lauren, Devon, Ashley, and Ben chow down on burgers and beers. Lauren gets mustard on her pants but then realizes she hasn’t had a shower in over twenty days, so it’s no big deal. I wish I could have the same approach every time I get mustard on my pants which is, uh, more often than you would think! Lauren says that she brought this crew on reward not only to have fun, but also to strategize, and presents them with a pretty aggressive plan of being the final four.  Oh, man, is this where this season gets good? Lauren explains that the four of them can work together before Joe and Mike are voted out to blindside Ryan, Chrissy and JP. This is where this season gets good! Everyone at the table decides to share their secrets: Ben and Devon tell about Ryan’s idol, Lauren publicly reveals her secret vote, and Ashley is just happy to be there. Poor Ashley, never really in the loop! The four decide they need to keep Joe and Mike, even though those two are unpopular they’re technically less dangerous than Ryan, Chrissy or, uh, JP. JP! You remember JP! He’s a firefighter! He once told a story about his truck! As if this lunch couldn’t get any more momentous, Lauren moves a cheeseburger and discovers a pile of letters from home. Everyone tearfully reads the letter. Hey, I get it, sometimes after a big cheeseburger you just need to have a little cry.
The next day, Ben reads his letter alone and reminds us how his wife and family have given him strength. Before you can say “winner’s edit,” Ben is just walking along and notices a special rock. Under that rock is a map which leads to an idol. How convenient? Ben is apparently looking for “a clay pot in the middle of a hook.” He goes to the right place on the map but doesn’t know to look up, where the pot is wedged into a tree. The cameraperson keeps hilariously panning to the pot as Ben walks around clueless below. Eventually Ben does look skyward, finds the pot, and tosses off his hat in excitement. Great way to find an idol, and a terrible way to lose a hat! Even though Ben has a new alliance, he says he’s going to keep this idol a secret. He dedicates his idol to his wife, which is nice.
Immunity time! In this Immunity Challenge the Survivors need to stand on a birdhouse floating on the sea without falling over. If you’re feeling safe enough you can opt to sit out of the challenge and eat peanut butter and chocolate. Ben, Lauren, and Devon all opt to eat, again. This is another tough endurance challenge that eventually comes down to Ashley versus Dr. Mike. Mike is unable to stay standing and flops, giving Ashley a somewhat unnecessary individual immunity win. Back at camp, Ryan is confused as to why Devon, Lauren and Ben all sat out. “I’m not a Romanian gymnast!” Ryan complains, even though he is sort of built like one. Chrissy says ““This coconut alliance is driving me bananas!” which is definitely one of the top five most absurd things anyone has ever said on this show. Not since the Coconut Bandits have coconuts been such a featured topic of conversation. Lauren says that the seven alliance is “crap” and they need to think about themselves. Wow, Lauren is coming through with the practical facts and really saving this season. Budding mastermind Devon has a plan for Ben, as follows, Ben should vote for Mike, and pretend he doesn’t know about the new alliance. That way Ben can still be in with Chrissy and Ryan while actually working both sides. Ben says he needs to put his acting shoes on. I know this is a feet-heavy episode, but what are acting shows? Do you remember that episode of Inside the Actors Studio, where James Lipton was interviewing Robert DeNiro about, I don’t know, Meet The Fockers, and DeNiro said, “James, it’s all in the shoes” before clicking his heels and disappearing back to Kansas! Devon and Lauren tell Mike and Joe to vote with them, saying that it’s time to flip. Everything is coming up Mike and Joe! Now is there time! They’re definitely not going to be used again! At Tribal Council, Mike is still clinging to his “I was right to be crazy” theory, saying that he’s a doctor so they’ll have to believe him! Maybe the MD stands for “Most Deranged.” There are a lot of questions about how strong the seven are. Don’t worry, Jeff, nothing to see here! It’s time to vote, and the new alliance is victorious, voting out JP and stunning Ryan and Chrissy. It’s too bad that such an exciting episode ended with the ouster of the least exciting player this season, but at least it was something. Adios to JP, we hardly knew you. No, seriously, who were you? Why, in arguably one of the best-cast seasons of recent memory, was this corporeal ghost allowed to wander onto the set? Good luck to JP in his future as the answer to an obscure Survivor trivia question!
Back at camp, Chrissy is not happy that she was left in the dark. Joe says they’re not going to tell her what happened. “We’re Coconuts, but we’re not idiots!” he exclaims. Ah, man, I spent good money to see the Idiots! Chrissy says that being snarky is not part of the game. Being snarky is part of every game, as far as I’m concerned! Ryan is a little more congratulatory, but is now nervous that he’s on the bottom. Don’t worry, Ryan, I’m sure everything will be perfectly fine! Ben decides to give the performance of a lifetime by acting like he didn’t know about the vote. “I should get an award!” Ben says. Step aside, Gary Oldman! Daniel Day WHO? Ben tells Lauren and Ashley he’s going to get Ryan to play his idol. If there’s one bromance damaged by this vote, it’s Ryan and Devon, who have been together since THE BEGINNING OF TIME. Apparently Ryan is no longer part of the plan. What if Devon needs to take the elevator to another floor? What if he needs someone to call him a taxi? Are we living in a world without bellhops? Is this a future we deserve?
Speaking of Devon, it’s all going swimmingly! Devon says that he’s sitting, “in the best possible spot!” I mean, he’s got a front-row seat to an either an easy victory or a terrible loss, so I guess! Reward challenge! In this reward, the Survivors are competing in teams. They need to row a boat, pick up a pile of puzzle pieces and then push those pieces through a slot to assemble the show’s logo, which is conveniently, uh, right over there. There are a couple of great moments in this challenge, from Ryan being unable to lift a bag that weighs more than he does to the blue team accidentally abandoning Ben because they don’t know how rowboats work, but there’s maybe nothing better than the sight of Lauren pushing logs through a tunnel using only her chest. Alas, these two teams are unevenly divided, and despite Lauren’s best efforts, the blue team ends up winning. Joe, Devon, Ben, and Ashley are off on reward. Time for some more award-winning acting! Can’t wait to see Ben’s angry massage!
All day massages! Devon and Ashley clown around with Ben, offering their cheers to King Arthur, while he answers back, “Cheers to my disloyal knights!” Is that how the story of King Arthur worked? Wasn’t there a sword involved? Who is the Guinevere? How does the Statue of Liberty factor into all this? Ashley starts to get suspicious of how good Ben is at lying. Foreshadowing! Ashley feels like she’s finally playing Survivor, which is good, since I guess before she thought she was playing MINUTE TO WIN IT and was really confused as to where host Guy Fieri was. Back at the loser beach, Ryan is in the dumps. He wants to work with Mike, and Mike is like, “Now?” Mike says that Ryan’s offer is, “A buck late and a dollar short.” He pauses, and then adds, “Don’t look a gift horse in the hooves? A bird in the hand is worth two in the other hand? When in Rome, don’t forget to rome around?” Speaking of prickly relationships, Chrissy is trying to patch up affairs with Lauren. Lauren is -incredibly- not having it with Chrissy. This conversation happens while Lauren is… building a swing? ooh, could a bowling lane be next?
The next day, it’s barely dawn and Chrissy already not having it! Whatever happened to never not being happy? Chrissy has some rice, and says she hope she can have the last laugh, just like everyone’s favorite superhero, The Joker. Immunity time! In this Immunity Challenge, the Survivors need to wheel a wheelbarrow through a course, collect some letters and then use those letters to spell the common, everyday word INVULNERABLE. This is a huge challenge that comes down to some sloppy spelling. Lauren even ends her word with a V. How many words end with V? Devon and Chrissy seem to get it, but in true underdog editing fashion, Chrissy wins and we all get the pleasure of hearing her yell, “Invulnerable!” Please do not make that your next text message alert noise!
Back at the beach, Ben is happy there’s still three to choose from. Apparently it’s finally (finally!) time to actually vote out Joe. Devon concocts another complicated plan to tell Joe and Mike they’re using Lauren’s extra vote to tie, and they’re voting out Ben. This is sort of hard to follow, but the important part is that Devon and Ben are both set on voting out Joe. Meanwhile, Ashley and Lauren start to get suspicious of Ben. Folks, Ben could totally win! It would be a bummer to see this new alliance fall apart so fast, but maybe this isn’t a terrible idea? Ben could totally win! Ashley brings this plan to Devon, and it totally blows his mind! Nice to know that a plan concocted by Lauren and Ashley comes down to whether or not Devon wants to do it, but, you know, this show.
Tribal Council 2! Mike walks in smiling, because Mike is just happy to be here. He’s the Joey Fatone of Tribal Council. Ben continues the show, saying that he’s probably going home. Ryan and Chrissy continue to buy into it. There’s a lot of talk about the seven strong, with Mike and Joe offering a lot of insight on conversations they weren’t really involved with. Will this “five-person” alliance be stronger than the seven? Mike gives another weird analogy, saying that two different surgeons can have two different outcomes. O…K? Joe says this is the first time at Tribal that he’s felt comfortable. Those turn out to be prophetic last words, as Joe is betrayed by his new alliance and is given the boot. Even Ben can’t stop himself from leaping off of his seat in excitement. Oh, and Ryan plays his idol for himself, which ends up not amounting to much, so congratulations for that! There’s no way this fun turn of events could possibly go south… right… right?!?
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Heroes vs. Hustlers vs. Healers episode 10 update!

Leaderboards

Pool Players Total Points

Pool Tribes Points

Going Out Order

Hello, Pool Players! Guess what? This season of Survivor got good! All it took was a little mustard on Lauren’s pants for something exciting to actually happen. Tonight’s episode was a twofer – two Reward challenges, two Immunities, two Tribal Council and, oh, let’s say one and a half Survivors voted out. There’s a lot to unpack here and I want to give it the space it deserves, so I’ll be writing a longer recap later this week. Until then, you’ll need to indulge in the mental image of Ben tossing off his own hat in excitement over finding a hidden idol. We were all Ben this episode as the majority alliance crumbled from within, revealing a new alliance of ALL THE PEOPLE I LIKE taking control. Of course this is Survivor and anything can happen, but for now it feels like we’re on a particularly solid high. Make sure to check out the Leaderboards to see where you stand. The Pool Princess is deciding which fancy hat to wear to the royal wedding, but she’ll drop the chapeaus long enough to send out the next bonus point opportunity. See you soon!

Heroes vs. Hustlers vs. Healers episode 9 recap!

Leaderboards

Pool Players Total Points

Pool Tribes Points

Going Out Order

Ahoy, Pool Players! It’s the middle of Saturday afternoon and you know what that means: Survivor! It’s true, the Survivor train stops for nothing, except the occasional Thanksgiving! We hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving, followed by Black Friday, followed by Small Business Saturday, followed, as always, by the Sunday Hat Shamboree. Previously on Survivor, Ryan found an idol and tucked it in his shorts, while previous-idol-finder Mike voted against his former tribe-mate Joe. In the end, Desi was unceremoniously sent packing, reinforcing the dominant seven-person alliance and cutting the Healers right out of the bill. Even though Tribal Council was stuffed with excitement, it ended up being a turkey for Mike, who was told to vote against Joe and Joe didn’t even go home. Mike’s upset about having been lied to, again, and he’s starting to grow wary of the majority alliance. Lest you forget that MANY MONTHS AGO Mike found an idol, Survivor reminds us right at the top, so make sure to file that away for later. The next morning, Chrissy announces, to nobody in particular, that she’s “Happy every day!” while Lauren and Ben sneak off to discuss the advantage. Apparently none of these brainiacs -not even math-wizard Chrissy- were able to figure out that only ten votes were read at an eleven-person Tribal. Lauren tells Ben that her advantage was played perfectly, and that only Ben knows she has it. Speaking of being the only one to know something, Ryan decides to blab to Devon about finding the idol. Ryan says he needs to “keep his cards close to his vest” as he literally pulls the idol out of his drawers. If that’s the way Ryan plays cards, please don’t invite me over for a game of Go Fish!

Challenge time! In this watery Reward Challenge, the Survivors will be split up into two teams. First they need to climb a ladder (?!?) and then jump into the water, untying three buoys before unlocking a chest containing more buoys and then hurling those buoys into baskets. The first team to finish will win an afternoon on a luxury yacht, where they’ll have yachts of fun yachting around eating sandwiches and listening to Lil Yachty. The teams are pretty evenly balanced, but when it comes down to the ball tossing Joe is supreme, giving his team the W. This is despite Ben’s unorthodox strategy of throwing the ball under hand, or as Jeff Probst calls it, “granny style old-school midwest!” Step aside, John Madden, there’s a new sportscaster in town, his name is Jeff Probst and his style is free association! Mike, Joe, JP, Chrissy and Cole all get to go on reward, and Joe tells us this is a good chance for him to make moves and change the game. If you’re experiencing deja vu, it’s because Joe said this exact same line last week, when he went on reward, failed to find the idol clue, and almost got voted out. Second time’s the charm! Joe is so proudly delusional he’ll probably end up on the moon.

Yacht talk! Dolphins! As the yacht does circles in the ocean, Chrissy tells us that while her alliance isn’t on the reward, she still has the opportunity to “control the conversation.” You and I both know that if there’s one thing Chrissy enjoys more than math, it’s controlling a conversation. As everyone pigs out on wine, sandwiches, and, uh, bagels, idol-hungry Joe starts searching everywhere for a possible clue. He even lifts the cake off the plate and jokes that there’s an idol hidden underneath the boat. As much as I would have enjoyed seeing one of them fall for this, we really don’t need to have a Survivor lost at sea, although it is entirely possible that if JP jumped off the deck nobody would notice. The yacht takes a turn past camp, making sure to sound the horn to alert the TV cameras other players. Some of the losers good-naturedly go out and moon the boat, which is kind of fun. After the derriere display, Ryan and Ben have a chat because Ryan will need an in with the Heroes tribe eventually. Since Ben is apparently the most trustworthy person out there, Ryan tells him about his new hidden idol. Ryan also says that Ben is the only one who knows, which is a lie, but he thankfully does not whip out his cards this time. Back from reward, Joe keeps digging for the idol that he thinks still might be under the tribe flag. Nobody else seems to be too concerned as Joe keeps digging a deeper and deeper hole—hey, wait, is this a METAPHOR? You got me, show! You got me good! Joe reminds us that he’s not here to make friends and decides AGAIN to “stir the pot” by acting like a jerk to Ashley and Chrissy. Ashley takes the bait, but she also tells us this only makes her want to vote Joe out more. The scene ends with a pretty decent, “Joe, shut up!” from Ashley, a phrase Ashley probably wishes she had in one of those Staples “That was easy” buttons.

World’s Most Trustworthy Dude Ben is now meeting with Devon as they hike up the hill of friendship and loyalty. Ben, not satisfied with his alliances with Chrissy, Lauren, and Ryan, decides he also needs Devon in the mix. For some reason Ben throws all of his trust in Devon, and tells him about Ryan’s idol. We know that Devon knows this, but Ben doesn’t know that Devon knows, and Devon doesn’t want to let on that he knows. I can’t really tell from Devon’s wide-eyed “WOW!” expressions, but he’s either a terrible or an excellent liar. Devon tells us that it might be time to move on from Ryan since he lied about the idol, and also because he keeps creepily asking if anyone wants to play “pinochle.” Don’t blink because it’s time for the Immunity Challenge in a, “all-new Survivor torture device.” This one has the Survivors squatting with their shoulders carrying the weight of an urn over a fire. If they squat too low or stand too tall, their urn will drop and they’ll be out of the challenge. While it’s sort of fun to see everyone do a round of downhill skiing charades, this challenge is actually kind of painful to watch since who wants to squat that long. Turns out that Cole, Lauren, Ryan and Chrissy are the last Survivors squatting, and after Ryan and Chrissy squat out it’s down to the unlikely duo of Cole and Lauren. After some tense stretching, and some particularly over-the-top music cues, Cole drops and Lauren wins her first individual immunity. Congrats to Lauren, who squatted to the top without a flop or a drop!

Normally this would be scrambling time, but Ben has already decided that the votes will be split four for Cole and three for Dr. Mike. Ben doesn’t really bring this plan up for discussion so much as he announces it from the mountaintop, declaring everyone should follow. Ashley, of “shut up, Joe” fame, really wants Joe out, but Ben won’t listen to her. She takes her plan instead to Ryan, Chrissy, Devon and Lauren, who if you’re keeping count, are all members of Ben’s core alliance. Whoops! Even though this seems like a bad idea, Chrissy sort of runs with it, since there’s a concern that if an idol is played at this Tribal Council, Joe might have a chance to find it before the next Tribal Council. Down-on-his-luck Mike asks Ben what’s going to happen, and Ben flat-out tells him Cole is going home. Since Mike has been lied to this entire game he takes this opportunity to not believe the truth, and vows to play his idol at Tribal Council. You may think this is Dr. Mike rising to the occasion, but he’s sloppy at the actual Tribal Council, where he does some Joe-level stuff-stirring for no apparent good reason. Yes, it’s annoying that the seven in power don’t show any signs of breaking, but Mike at one point rolls with a sentence that starts with Ben being King Arthur and ends with Mike being, uh, the Statue of Liberty. I think Mike implies that King Arthur attempted to conquer America, which is a good reminder that he’s a doctor of science and not a doctor of letters. As Mike and Joe clown around, Cole starts to seem like smaller and smaller of a target, that is, until it’s time to vote. Mike plays his idol for himself, but it’s flushed away as Cole is voted out exactly as planned. Adios to Cole and also, by proxy, all of the peanut butter in the Fijian islands!

Speaking of being creamed, spread your way over to the Leaderboards to see where you stand. The Pool Princess is now answering the phone with an enthusiastic “Gobble gobble!” but she’ll stop gobbling long enough to send out the next weekly challenge. Next time on Survivor: could there be a splinter in the seven strong? (Maybe). Do Dr. Mike and Joe have a chance? (No). Will JP speak?!? (Probably not). See you there!